In engaging with people regarding church attendance and participation, one story seems to resonate loudly. “I used to go to church, but (Insert name or position here) did (insert offense here), and no one seemed to care. I spoke with leadership and was told to forgive. I expected the problem to be addressed, but the person continued to (insert act of service in the church here), and now I don’t know who in the church I can trust. They all seem like hypocrites, and I don’t want any part of that.”
The stories may differ, but the result is the same. People who once enjoyed fellowship with the church have left because they were hurt and were not cared for properly. The many who cite ‘church hurt’ as their reason for stepping away seem to be increasing. While it is true that they may have been worshiping the church more than its Head, this doesn’t excuse the church from being accountable for this trend. Authentic discipleship is meant to train believers to seek Jesus individually and corporately. Understanding grace dictates we do so even through offense. The church hurt culture serves to reveal the sad truth that discipleship in the church is suffering.
This by no means excuses or condones sin or acts of offense within the church. There are certainly grievous things that have happened and, unfortunately, are presently occurring within the community of God’s people. These should be addressed and rebuked with the authority of Scripture, and those perpetrating the offense should be held accountable for their actions, responsible for their impact, and appropriate church discipline should be administered according. There should be no excusing confirmed accusations, and those made by individuals should be respected and investigated with all due diligence.
That being said, there is a delicate balance of justice for the offended and grace for the offender that must be found. Proverbs 31:8-9 (speak up for the oppressed) must be held in the same regard as Galatians 6:1 (restore a brother gently). It is also important to point out that Paul is speaking of a restoration to fellowship here and not an office within the church. Restoration to right standing with God should be the primary focus in these situations, with restoration to fellowship with the body following after. It is important not to lay hands on anyone swiftly, setting them into a position of leadership while not seeing the fruit of repentance in their lives (1 Timothy 5:22). This intentional act alone could do much toward recovering the reputation of the church through discipleship. To truly engage in this work, we must be willing to pull back the curtain on the inner workings of church leadership and have serious and genuine conversations about how discipleship can bring restoration to the current church and set up the future church to make a great impact for God’s kingdom.
How does a mishandling of hurt and discipline within the church affect discipleship, and how are we called to act? Below are five key points addressing common sources of church hurt, what causes them, and our appropriate response:
- Dismissing genuine offense, for any reason, is a failure to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). This forgets the relational aspect of discipleship and typically elevates programs, processes, and tradition over people. It also neglects teachable moments and opportunities to shine the light of the Word into dark places. Paul teaches that all Scripture is “profitable for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness so that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16-17). He also teaches that God has given those in church leadership to equip the saints for ministry to the end of maturity in the body (Ephesians 4:11-13). Shepherds cannot diligently tend the flock without acknowledging sin, confronting it with the truth of Scripture, and ministering to all those affected. Relationship is the proverbial grease that makes this work. Calling to account someone who has no desire for this type of relationship or understanding of what biblical membership in the body means can create a greater “problem” than the one being confronted. To ensure this type of relationship is to be expected, be diligent in getting to know potential church members and communicate clearly what it means to be a part of a local church body. This should be heard from the pulpit regularly so that the church comes to expect it.
- Protecting an office or position before the sheep is an abandonment of the shepherd’s post.Discipleship cannot happen when the lead servant is abusive. The offense severs important relational ties within the church community. Transgressions occurring at the leadership level must be handled according to Jesus’s teaching in Matthew 18:15-17, just as with other church members. Restoring the sinner to the Savior should always take precedent over restoring the image of a leader. To ensure that leaders are not exempt from accountability and oversight, there should be a safe space within the church for regular conversation and encouragement. Confession of sin – even for leaders – is a vital part of a healthy church (James 5:16). Leaders should also make themselves approachable, offering humble response and feedback for those sharing offenses and grievances. This is not for the sake of merely pleasing people, but to foster genuine, biblical fellowship between fellow believers, regardless of position.
- To dismiss sin in the name of tolerance is abuse by way of neglect. We know we will all have to give an account of our sin to God (Romans 14:12, 2 Corinthians 5:10) but church leaders must account to God for how they lead those entrusted to them as well (Hebrews 13:17). The church is meant to share in the suffering of those who suffer (1 Corinthians 12:26) and encourage and build up one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11). To allow the offender to live unconfronted is to fail in spurring them on to good works (Hebrews 10:24) and is either born from apathy, fear, or settling for a false sense of peace. To refuse to acknowledge the offended is a dereliction of duty to care for them properly. Tolerance sounds great until we are reminded that we are to flee even the very appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22). Authentic discipleship confronts sin with truth and love with the ultimate goal of God’s glory and loving fellowship that more deeply reflects our Savior (John 13:35).
- To wield authority rather than serve through it misses the point of Christian leadership. Jesus teaches clearly that church leaders are called as servants rather than tyrants (Matthew 20:25-28). Pastors and leaders must lead from the place of servanthood, serving both the offended and offender with love, mercy, and grace (Galatians 5:13). To this end, Scripture must be the standard we hold ourselves and others to – not rebuking for the sake of preference or tradition but to the end that the church as a whole more clearly reflects the character of Christ as is revealed through His Word to be His purpose in redemption (Romans 8:29). Both 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 point to gentleness being a key qualification for pastoral leadership. To ensure that church leaders do not become tyrannical or oppressive, there should be accountability and oversight from other qualified leaders within the church body. Even those leading in discipleship should be in discipleship relationships that call them up and out from the ways of worldly leadership. Authentic discipleship does not stop when one gains a leadership position because it is required all the more for them to faithfully and gently tend the flock.
- An unhealthy view of church growth leads to valuing the gathering over those who gather. While the Word does exhort us not to forsake the gathering together of the saints (Hebrews 10:25), that does not mean making it an object of worship is acceptable. There is a trend today amongst church leaders that has proven both prevalent and dangerous. The overproduction of services, the move toward seeker sensitivity, and the submission to cultural and political ideas of “correctness” are epidemics and usually a product of an attempt to build the church through numbers rather than authentic discipleship. Filling a church with hurting people that have not been trained in what to do with their own hurt – let alone the hurt of others – is a disaster waiting to happen. Even so, many make promises of acceptance and inclusion to seed numerical growth from those interested in hearing about Jesus, while those committed to following Him fall to the wayside. Correction is seen as judgment, and confrontation is seen as intolerance. When this is the case, “discipline” becomes a bad word rather than the base of discipleship. Church discipline should focus on being proactive and positive, creating the culture and atmosphere for spiritual growth within a relationship that focuses on each believer knowing, reflecting, and serving God more. People dealing with sin are confronted and counseled as part of the discipleship process rather than only when sin causes observable, negative repercussions for the individual or the church. Unfortunately, reactive discipline is sure to be a part of leading a church, but it happens far less frequently when discipleship is a high priority and value. The bottom line is that growing a church spiritually may not always result in immediate or even quick numerical increase (sometimes it yields the opposite), but a healthy church handles offense in stride; its members expecting both offenses to occur AND a testimony of grace and growth to follow.
How you approach discipleship will determine much when sin and offense enter the picture. Church hurt is real and exists for the simple fact that hurt people, hurt people. If accountability and encouragement are a regular part of discipleship, the wounds that occur in church fellowship become those of a brother (Proverbs 27:6) rather than those of an adversary. We cannot decide whether someone will be hurt by people within the church. We can prepare them to learn from offense, walk graciously with an errant brother or sister, and trust God more through the process. In order to move away from the culture that points fingers at others rather than the Word of God, we must disciple the church well.
For churches struggling with hurt, be encouraged to press into the Lord. Open His Word and seek to know Him more. For those who have successfully or unsuccessfully navigated hurt in the past, take a deep look into your discipleship process and ask the tough questions. How can we be better? How can we prioritize the Word in our teaching, worship, and fellowship? For those who are looking hurt in the face (even those who don’t know it yet), what will the state of discipleship in your church do to bring you through the coming storm? In all things, seek first His kingdom and His righteousness (Matthew 6:33)! Is discipleship a high priority to you? If so, how is that reflected in your relationships? Take time to have an honest conversation about discipleship priorities with your pastor or another church leader. Ask what you can do to ensure that discipleship holds a high value in your church.
1126 Ministries 